Help for Parents & Grandparents
One Day at a Time - For the Addict's Parents
Parents of addicts also struggle with how to live "one day at a time." Parents learning this
principal have shared their journey with us. We consider it important reading and recommend it to you.
To view a description of these steps, click on the link(s) below:
- Have a daily devotional, ritual, prayer, reading, etc. to tell yourself how you will live, think and react today relative to trusting God with your child's addiction. This "unplugs" the buttons of over-reaction and we are able to see and deal with the reality of the situation.
- Pray that Steps One and Two of Alcoholics Anonymous will become a reality in your child's life. Those steps say:
Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable."
Step Two: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
(Specifically pray that your child recognizes Jesus Christ as the One True Power in life.)
- Pray regularly and specifically: "God, you are in control. I want to acknowledge that."
- Be aware of the reaction that stress can cause in us as parents.
- Spend time listening to praise music. Let it minister to your soul. This helps focus our attention on God and His character rather than the circumstances.
- Read one chapter of Proverbs every day and pray these truths back to the Father on behalf of your child.
- Some parents have had to pray in the morning and then put their child out of their mind in order to get any work done during the day. They say they felt disloyal to their problem child but had to be faithful to their work, their other kids and supplying the material needs, etc. of the entire family.
- Focus on God and the beauty He creates everyday. Focusing on Him deepens our faith that He can work in our child's life.
- Some parents have been helped by Brennan Manning's book, Ruthless Trust: The Geography of Nowhere.
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We must decide beforehand--as best we can--what we will do and how we will react to situations that occur today.
I have been created in the image of God and I must consider what that means. If I lose sight of this, then I lose sight of my need for God to be working in my life.
I prepare for anything. I will not be naive about my child's abuse. I will try to anticipate surprises.
I will endeavor not to give into the naive hope that the situation is not as bad as it genuinely is.
I will recognize that it is a most delicate balance between living in faith for my child's future and accepting the reality of the situation.
I will endeavor to remember that love hopes the best and that without faith it is impossible to please God while remembering the gravity of the situation and the reality of the data about drugs.
I will endeavor to understand that this type of crisis builds or diminishes faith
I will endeavor to remember that a crisis is a test of character and measures one’s willingness to grow.
I will commit to doing the hard work of living one day at a time.
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The fact that my child is an addict can take away my hope for the future. This is why I must learn to live the reality of “One Day At A Time” in order to believe God for hope for the future.
Any one day can be filled with stress and disappointment, but we must remember that we build faith, strength and hope one day at a time.
One man says he did not live one day at a time. He let his naiveté and his son’s situation lead to passivity. The two played off each other. Instead of mainstreaming objectivity and being realistic, he simply ducked the tough issues.
Be sure to remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:34 about letting tomorrow take care of itself. Do not forget to rely on Him today. The “One Day At A Time” principle is for the addict’s parent as well as the addict.
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- Because our child’s addiction can test our marriage, it is vital that we keep asking: “How is our marriage doing?”
- Ask your spouse: “Are we walking in agreement on how to handle this crisis?” If you are not, take steps to get there. Those steps may include agreeing to disagree but we must treat each other with love and respect.
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- Process your feelings. Some do this by journaling and some do it by talking to a counselor or trusted friend. This processing helps us see how God is using the pain in our lives.
- Enlist genuinely spiritually minded, non-judgmental people to be around you to spend focused intercession on behalf of your addicted child.
- Share with others but since parenting is an individual thing be sure to be yourself.
- As we share our pain and God’s sustenance in the midst of it with others, God will open new doors of ministry, as people believe we would understand their pain. This is the validity of 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
- Keep pressing toward the goal of “Letting Go” or “Detachment” as some call it. This does not mean we do not love our children. And, it does not mean that we do not care. It just means we realize and accept the fact our child is the one who ultimately will have to decide whether or not they are going to quit using and come back to God.
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- Remember that God loves our children more than we do. He sent His Son to die for them.
- Remember that He is at work even when we do not see him working.
- Remember that "letting go and letting God" is not just a cliche.
- Think through what you can ask God to do today in the life of your child. Tomorrow do the same thing again.
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